Today, Janeane Garofalo and I turn 42 years old. I keep inviting Janeane to my birthday gatherings, but she never responds. I bet she is taking the rumors too seriously. Time to refute! The rumor that I am a cannibal is a complete falsehood! The rumor about me wrapping myself in bubble wrap and then rolling on the ground to get the bubbles to pop, that does have some truth to it.
What do you do now? Sorry, Head On applied directly to the forehead won’t work. Here is the Zoyx physician’s advice.
Step one: Shave head. If already bald, you may skip this step.
Step two: Perform a Trepanation. Using one of those hand crank drills works best for drilling the hole into your skull.
Step three: Suck the alien implants out of your head. What is recommended here is a Flowbee. Any aliens sucked out of your skull, will be chopped up by the whirring blades of fury.
Step four: Cover up the hole in your head. Duct tape, of course, dummy.
Now that was easy. Far easier than taking care of a box turtle, don’t you think? Box turtles can be so needy.
Thank you YouTube. Now I can play and replay the event that is “Bikini Girls With Machine Guns” by the CRAMPS.
The legacy of Weird Al continues on. His latest video is below. Do you realize that “Weird Al” Yankovic will turn 47 years old in October.
The questions on the Trivia Pursuit card:
In what city is the largest ball of twine built by one man?
What’s the deal with Lindsay Lohan? I mean, seriously?
F.D.R. – was he faking it?
On what page does Harry Potter die in the next book?
What is the melting point of a gorilla’s head?
How many Wicket Men are there on a 43-Man Squash team?
Talk like a pirate day was on the 19th. Last Saturday night (16th), I went to a pirate party. This would be a good time for me to release my pirate name.
So this is the route I take on my daily runs. This was from this morning. Note that I was just a shade slower than an 8 minute/mile pace.
Looks like Minnesota Senator Dayton wants an inquiry into the deadly Roger’s tornado. I suppose you want my opinion on this. My dear friends and readers, see this ten foot pole? Not nearly long enough. This pole must be many, many light years long in order for me to touch this topic. I will have to defer you to the Zoyx Lawyer team. Yeah, those people quivering behind the chesterfield.
The Minnesota Twin’s magic number is 12, going into today. So any Minnesota win or Chicago White Sox loss will reduce that number. Once that number is zero or less, the Twins are in the playoffs. Only 14 games left in the season for both teams.
Now the digression. I have a blood blister on the tip of my second toe on my right foot. I have no idea how it got there. Probably just a sign of a goiter.