Happy Birthday to Me

Today, Janeane Garofalo and I turn 42 years old. I keep inviting Janeane to my birthday gatherings, but she never responds. I bet she is taking the rumors too seriously. Time to refute! The rumor that I am a cannibal is a complete falsehood! The rumor about me wrapping myself in bubble wrap and then rolling on the ground to get the bubbles to pop, that does have some truth to it.

So your brain has been infiltrated by aliens

What do you do now? Sorry, Head On applied directly to the forehead won’t work. Here is the Zoyx physician’s advice.

Step one: Shave head. If already bald, you may skip this step.
Step two: Perform a Trepanation. Using one of those hand crank drills works best for drilling the hole into your skull.
Step three: Suck the alien implants out of your head. What is recommended here is a Flowbee. Any aliens sucked out of your skull, will be chopped up by the whirring blades of fury.
Step four: Cover up the hole in your head. Duct tape, of course, dummy.

Now that was easy. Far easier than taking care of a box turtle, don’t you think? Box turtles can be so needy.

Cramps

Thank you YouTube. Now I can play and replay the event that is “Bikini Girls With Machine Guns” by the CRAMPS.

White & Nerdy

The legacy of Weird Al continues on. His latest video is below. Do you realize that “Weird Al” Yankovic will turn 47 years old in October.

The questions on the Trivia Pursuit card:

In what city is the largest ball of twine built by one man?
What’s the deal with Lindsay Lohan? I mean, seriously?
F.D.R. – was he faking it?
On what page does Harry Potter die in the next book?
What is the melting point of a gorilla’s head?
How many Wicket Men are there on a 43-Man Squash team?

My Pirate Name

Talk like a pirate day was on the 19th. Last Saturday night (16th), I went to a pirate party. This would be a good time for me to release my pirate name.

My pirate name is:
Black Tom Bonney

Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate’s life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
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It is magic number time

The Minnesota Twin’s magic number is 12, going into today. So any Minnesota win or Chicago White Sox loss will reduce that number. Once that number is zero or less, the Twins are in the playoffs. Only 14 games left in the season for both teams.

Now the digression. I have a blood blister on the tip of my second toe on my right foot. I have no idea how it got there. Probably just a sign of a goiter.