The current job is going no where, so I have begun applying for jobs with career building potential. For help in this, I have brought in advice from outside of the compound. Introducing the Zoyx Career Counselor.
After placing me in a dark cell, hanging from chains with a sleeping bag over my head – then questioning me while tagging me with a live cattle prod, she came up with these talking points and interview tips. I am flying out to Eureka this week and these tips will be used!
You need to stay awake for the full time you are away. It’s the only way to keep that “edgy” look you will need for your trip to Eureka.
In case you get an interview, or meet a wood nymph, or nympho-anything… here are some conversation starters:
1) Always mention your procedure first. Especially if you are not wearing any pants.
2) The reference to Cannibals, or cannibalism being your name or hobby.
3) Talk like Napoleon Dynamite.
4) Tell them you drink your own urine, but are willing to try others.
5) Let them know that you think women with hairy legs and backs are sexy.
6) Invite them to your basement.
7) No false modesty, but be sure to inform them that you single handedly brought the mass murder record back to the Midwest.
8) You are not religious, but you are into cults.
9) You are looking for someone who enjoys a blood and vomit decor and admires your human skull collection.
10) Stand uncomfortably close to them while taking to them. Or just stand too close and stare at their ear.
11) Sweat constantly.
12) Don’t forget your Tourette’s!!
13) Get some kind of cut or injury that requires you to pick your scab.
14) Say, “Huh?” after every question or statement they make to you, as well as after everything you say too.
15) Ask for a ride to places that are unreasonably far away.
16) Instead of shaking hands, embrace them bear-hug style and kiss them on both cheeks. You can claim to be French.
An interesting approach to the job interview. Definitely thinking outside of the box. Should really impress the folks in Eureka.
I just watched my first Star Wars movie from the latest trilogy. I watched, “Star Wars: Revenge of The Episode Two”, or something like that. I watched it the only way I could watch it, with Michael J Nelson and Kevin Murphy “riffing” it. Best line from these MST3k alumns? After the genocide scene, Anakin Skywalker is solaced by Padmé Amidala with, “Sometimes killing sprees make you feel icky inside… oh… is that a piece of intestine in your hair?”.
Editors note: The count for the word “watch(ed)” in this post is four. Possibly consider mixing other words in to avoid repetition. In this case, “gazed”, “observed” or “had epileptic seizures to” may have been more appropriate.
My Mr. Do cocktail video game is for sale. Is it actually for sale if it is free? I don’t know how that works.
Could be converted to a mame cabinet… or better yet, a Microsoft Surface!
I just discovered RiffTrax. This is Michael J Nelson and friends voicing over your favorite movies. Like MST3K, this voice-over is funny, and usually not in a favorable light. To avoid copyright issues, they only provide the voice-over audio. You, the consumer, must purchase or rent the movie, then do the mixing. I have started watching Star Trek Generations, the magic is still there.
No, I haven’t read the latest Potter book. Well, actually I haven’t read any of them.
With me going down to just one internet connection, I have taken down the game servers. I also made the Zoyx shoutcast stream private. Probably needed to do that with the RIAA clamping down on internet music streams. My web server is still up. That shouldn’t eat up too much bandwidth. That is all.
Maria, if you see this, you should marry me. Not because I am pathetically lonely or anything, just because we would have a really cool time, and stuff. I will bear your children for you! I so mean that.
Well, here is episode 1 of the Maria Bamford Show. You should watch it because the referrals will score points with Maria, and she will then really want to hang out with me.
The Chemical Brothers released their latest amalgamation of noise today. I am so on top of things, I am listening to said amalgamation as I type! I like what I hear so far. Here is the first associated video!
Comcast is out of my life. I now have just over-the-air TV and DSL for internet. I need some video podcasts to make up for the gap of visual stimuli. Ideas are welcome. Currently I watch Diggnation and Infected off of revision 9. If I don’t get my visual stimuli soon, I may cave and get Dish Network going. Only $25 a month with no contract… after you pay for install and initial equipment.
I am going to try to eliminate fructose from my life (I expect partial failure). According to this Australian interview, fructose is the primary culprit for the obesity epidemic. Other carbs aren’t nearly as guilty as fructose. Kind of explains why I have cut down on calories, but not losing weight. I love orange juice. That, and other fruit juices, are apparently the worst thing I can consume. Might as well be drinking sugar soda. Eating fruit is okay, because dietary fiber and the fructose are in balance. A quote from the interview is quite telling,
If you look at the Atkins diet, the Atkins diet was no-carb, high-fat, and it worked. We look at the Japanese diet, high-carb, no-fat, it also worked. When you put them together you get something called McDonalds and clearly that doesn’t work.
The reason the classic Japanese high carb diet worked? Low fructose.
So cute… I just don’t have the heart to ridicule it.
Dr. Sphincter provides a lesson through melody…