Think of the Children

I was playing World of Tanks this evening. A PC game that I have been playing for, oh, nearly 2 years. I’m not very good – I’m 50 years old, and the reflexes have taken a dip.

For the first time, I received a personal message via the World of Tanks messaging system. I didn’t know I had received this message until I logged off and saw the email notification from the World of Tanks universe. Without further ado, here was what YummyKittyCupcake said:

I wanted to tell u what an idiot u are child. Why didnt u roll forward and support me instead of just camping in the back with no shot whatsoever and u let me get killed. This game is all about teamwork and u rolled forward in ur SU-100 only when everyone was dead on that side. Shows what a stupid coward u are. Man u really are one stupid idiot.

That was incredibly adorable. Especially coming from someone with the tanker name of YummyKittyCupcake. Well, I really wanted to reply to him, but he had already logged off. So I shall use the power of the blog to supply him with my clever retort:

First off, YummyKittyCupcake, I am extremely thankful that you took the time to bring my misplay to my attention. It is only through thoughtful criticism from our peers, can we progress to the next level.

You start marvelously by first complimenting me. As a 50 year old, being called a child is one of the nicest thing you could of said. You should always begin each critique with a compliment, and you did that brilliantly.

Your first point you make is spot on. I should of rolled up and supported you. I just wasn’t concentrating. President Obama had just visited my home state of Alaska, and I was probably mulling over his points about the impacts of global warming. In the future, I will have to stay more focused on the movements of my teammates.

So true about supporting your teammates! We would of won this battle by an even larger margin (15 to 9), had I been more aware of your movements. Maybe I wasn’t thinking about global warming… maybe I was thinking of that poor drowned refugee child that washed up on the shore of Bodrum. Such sadness does affect my judgement.

World of Tanks is indeed an excellent way to measure a person’s bravery and or cowardice. Shooting at such a long distance from the enemy with my tank destroyer, definitely shows how weak-kneed of human I am. You have called me out, sir, and I am grateful. It makes no never mind that I was causing damage to the opposing team, while taking no damage on my vehicle. Fear had overtaken me, and you paid the ultimate price.

Your concluding comment that I am a stupid idiot, is completely fair. Some would call this bullying or trolling, but with such a well-thought out critique of my play style, I must take my medicine here. Thank you YummyKittyCupcake, you have made me a better tanker.

No, I must go further, you made me a better human being.

Yours truly, Zoyx.

For those lucky to have World of Tanks installed, you can watch the replay from my perspective. You too can criticize my shitty playing techniques.