Another Attempt On My Life

I went biking with a friend around Minnehaha Creek and one of the Minneapolis lakes Monday. During this otherwise pleasant bike hike, my friend cuts right in front of me, I slam on the brakes, I go for a tumble. I landed on my left arm and scraped my left knee. Oh the agony. This was obviously a purposeful attempt to end my life prematurely. What I am grasping for now is the motive. Some theories:

• Some left over jealousy that I have long since forgotten, but she can recall with clarity from decades back.
• She has turned into a man-hating serial killer.
• She is part of the astronaut collective, and was planning on anal raping me with one of their probes.

All options are open, the Zoyx attorney is on the case. Although the Zoyx attorney placed some doubt in my mind when she came back and said, “you probably had it coming”.

On Monday Night, I finally got to see the movie, “Team America, World Police”. A better movie than I expected. The humor was fairly immature, I guess thats why I liked it. The movie fulfilled a fetish of mine, puppet sex. That love scene was obviously written by a guy. No woman on this blue planet would ever dream up such a scene.

This movie gave me the brilliant idea for a web site, “Your Jihad”. Let our skilled consultants manage your Jihad. Bill collectors bugging you? JIHAD! Landlord got you down? JIHAD! Girl/Boy friend gave you an STD? JIHAD!

Hey! Looks like yourjihad.com is available. Opportunity awaits.

On Tuesday, we did about 5 miles of kayaking on the St. Croix River near Taylors Falls. We didn’t do any cliff diving. I guess we weren’t drunk enough. There were no attempted murders either.

Outside of the box

Looks like Specialized has been thinking out of the box, as far as bike design. Take a gander at these prototypes.

One innovation is in their Viper and Black Widow. A quote, “The rear wheel has a special magnetically polarized rim that is suspended inside the frame, where it floats inside a magnetic suspension field “. That would be a breakthrough if they could pull it off. A couple of other models sport an internal drive train, so dirt can’t get in to gum up the works.

The only problem is that they are loud designs. They are fun to look at, but I don’t like my bike standing out too much. The bike would definitely be a target.

Yeah, it can be nice here

Concerning that trip down to Park Point yesterday, here is a picture I took while walking on the beach. Proof that we can have gorgeous days in Duluth. Note the swimmers. Lake Superior water temperature can’t be much warmer than 50 degrees. Nutjobs.

This is day 7 of my sore throat. Oh the agony. Whenever I have a glass of my favorite concoction, OvalQwik, the burning sensation in my throat nearly brings me to tears. I can usually down a glass of OvalQwik in 2 to 3 minutes. It takes me close to 15 minutes to complete a glass right now.

Tonight is my last shift before vacation. However, I have an inkling I might be called in to work during the afternoon after my last shift. We are in a slight risk for severe weather tonight and tomorrow. We are short staffed, so it would probably be a good idea if I stuck around town in case the fan is pelted with shit.

Another Unfunny Post

My doctor increased my prescription of Levothyroxine from 100 MCG to 125 MCG. To help me remember to take these things, I bought one of those pill carriers with the days of the week compartments. One of the symptoms of low thyroid is memory loss, so I thought one of these doo-dads would help.

I am going to cheat a little bit. I have some leftover 100 MCG pills. Each Saturday I am going to take two of these leftovers until they are gone. So once a week I will get a 200 MCG dose, instead of 125 MCG.

We are going to be a bit more aggressive now that it seems that things are detiorating. I am going in every 6 weeks instead of every 3 months to get my TSH level checked. Judging by that last TSH test, my thyroid is on the verge of failing all together. So I wouldn’t be surprised if my thyroid becomes a useless chunk of meat in my neck here in the near future.

As I am dumped off in the desert to have a wooden stake sledged through my soul, I have requested that the two women who claim to be taking me to a folk festival, to take my thyroid out as a souvenir. I don’t think many serial killers use the thyroid as their signature gland. This would definitely make them unique.

I went down to Park Point today. One of my friends sent me down there on a research expedition. I wish I had my kayak. The big lake looked quite inviting this afternoon with the nearly calm winds and sunny skies.

One other thing I did today was cut the lawn. What a pleasure. All the rain has made for some pretty glum days. Today was sunny and gorgeous. Thanks to the ample rain, I have never seen Duluth so green.