Inside My Brain

I had some of my hand-made artwork analyzed by the Zoyx Psychologist. I was asked to draw a house, a tree and then a person. One thing that isn’t obvious from these scanned pictures is that I drew all of the objects on the left side of the 11″ x 17″ paper. My scanner can only do 8.5″ by 11″, so cropping was done for the images. The Zoyx Psychologist was clueless as to why I insisted on coloring on the left side. All people that drew for her, had the focus of the picture in the center of the paper. This can only mean one thing. The alien implant is on the right side of my cortex.

Lets begin with the house:

• I have plenty of windows and a door in my house. This is good, because it shows that I am open and like to look outside and spy on my neighbors. For instance, if they are being implanted with mind controlling devices by the local astronauts.

• I have grass growing in front of the front stairs of the porch, thereby blocking entrance. This means, in essence, fuck off. Or it could mean I like to dip my toes in dew soaked grass instead of walking on hard and abrasive sidewalk cement.

• I have an ICBM nuclear missile targeting the vinyl sided suburban home. Ah, the crux of the whole picture. This shows I like things that blow up. BOOM!!! Cool.

Now lets move on to the tree:

• My tree has a strong trunk and is well rooted. This means I have personal strength and have good support from friends and family. It is also a sign that I am very efficient at getting nutrition and water from bacteria and worm infested dirt.

• I have plenty of branches and leaves with a complete sky and ground colored in. An indication that I am thorough, and see the complete picture. That picture’s goal is to highlight a phallic symbol. I obviously focus my energies around my male reproductive organ.

• Now about that sign, “Don’t Piss on Tree”. I was just trying to be funny. Didn’t work, did it.

Finally, the picture of a person:

• The arms and legs are free and open. The person seems to be flying. Representing a free spirited person, who is probably plummeting toward his death, some 45 stories below the picture.

• The sun and the hair are spiky. An indication that I am psychotic. That completely goes against the t-shirt that says, “Eating People is Fun”, which would suggest a well-adjusted adult.

• The Picasso-like face, looking the opposite direction of apparent movement, would show that I am lousy at mimicking other artist’s styling.

So there you have it. I am probably far more sane than you thought I was, didn’t you.

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